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Chapter 9
Thursday 19th September 7:11am – Lying in the Castle of Penny Mother Dearest to Flossie outside my bedroom door: ‘I think Penny is disappointed you’re staying home, I think she wanted to have a man over” The Mads are going away for a week & Mother Dearest has been preparing... I’m not entirely sure who she is preparing for with these kinds of ideas, but she lives in hope.
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Chapter 8
Thursday 12th September 7:12am – Kitchen, Chez du Pinkerton Mad Stumble out of bed at the crack of 7am, walk through the kitchen, half asleep, en route to the bathroom when I overhear this… Mother Dearest *reading the careers section in the paper*: ‘I need a career change…’ Father Bear: ‘Well, are there any jobs there that take your eye?’ Mother Dearest *clapping excitedly & pointing*: ‘Oo, I could be a Sex Therapist! I mean, I’ve got the teaching background’ Father Bear *eyebrows raised* Penny *walks into the bench*: ‘Ow! Perhaps not until you’ve read ‘Gay Stories’ hey Mum?’ Someone please, tell me I’m dreaming. Chapter 7
Thursday 5th September 7:13am – Lying in the Castle of Penny Listening to the sounds of the Pinkerton Family Mad awaken Mother Dearest: ‘Bob, why does your school jacket smell of girls perfume?!’ Bob: ‘It’s the girls at school Mum. They keep chasing me down the corridor spraying me with Impulse! I don’t know what to do, because I really only like the one girl… but all the girls are chasing me. *voice quavering* What should I do?’ Mother Dearest: ‘Remember Bob, deep rivers have still waters’ Good grief, the poor child needs some guidance and instead he’s got Mother Dearest channeling Confucius at the helm… Chapter 6
Thursday 29th August 7:02am – Lying in the Castle of Penny Woke up to Mother Dearest on the phone to Grandma… Mother Dearest: ‘Oh Mum, the internet is such a dangerous place. I just don’t know how it happened! One minute I was looking for poems about jungle animals for the children and the next minute, ELEPHANT PORN! EVERYWHERE! I suspect this must be one of Grandma’s proudest parenting moments… |
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