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Chapter 13
Thursday 17th October 7:12am – Lying in the Castle of Penny Just woke up and discovered a hickey on the inside of my groin… Note to Self Checking the bed for vampires or hidden prospective husbands is not the silliest thing you’ve thought of this week. Also. Buy some garlic.
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Chapter 12
Thursday 10th October 7:18am – Lying in the Castle of Penny via Text Message Penny: ‘I’ve just woken up and found two pieces of duct tape in my hair. You know the due date is drawing near when you start sleeping with your assignment’ Fletch: ‘Lucky assignment…’ Chapter 11
Thursday 3rd October 5:32am - Enjoying Peak Hour Airport Traffic in The Most Livable City in the World Zooming along on the way to the airport Mother Dearest *hands fly up to face*: ‘OMG! I think I’ve forgotten the masks?!’ Penny *half awake*: ‘What masks?’ Mother Dearest: ‘The ones with your face printed on them so I could walk around with you on my face so Harry could fall in love with you when he sees me’ Penny: ‘You weren’t joking about them?!’ Chapter Ten
Thursday 26th September 7:14am – Lying in the Castle of Penny via Text Message Mother Dearest: ‘Have found cute man for you at beach. Currently chasing him down main street for phone number. Will report back’ Penny *groaning*: ‘Please don’t. Please just keep running. Is there a pier nearby?’ Maybe if I go back to sleep I will realize it was all a bad dream... Chapter 9
Thursday 19th September 7:11am – Lying in the Castle of Penny Mother Dearest to Flossie outside my bedroom door: ‘I think Penny is disappointed you’re staying home, I think she wanted to have a man over” The Mads are going away for a week & Mother Dearest has been preparing... I’m not entirely sure who she is preparing for with these kinds of ideas, but she lives in hope. Chapter 8
Thursday 12th September 7:12am – Kitchen, Chez du Pinkerton Mad Stumble out of bed at the crack of 7am, walk through the kitchen, half asleep, en route to the bathroom when I overhear this… Mother Dearest *reading the careers section in the paper*: ‘I need a career change…’ Father Bear: ‘Well, are there any jobs there that take your eye?’ Mother Dearest *clapping excitedly & pointing*: ‘Oo, I could be a Sex Therapist! I mean, I’ve got the teaching background’ Father Bear *eyebrows raised* Penny *walks into the bench*: ‘Ow! Perhaps not until you’ve read ‘Gay Stories’ hey Mum?’ Someone please, tell me I’m dreaming. Chapter 7
Thursday 5th September 7:13am – Lying in the Castle of Penny Listening to the sounds of the Pinkerton Family Mad awaken Mother Dearest: ‘Bob, why does your school jacket smell of girls perfume?!’ Bob: ‘It’s the girls at school Mum. They keep chasing me down the corridor spraying me with Impulse! I don’t know what to do, because I really only like the one girl… but all the girls are chasing me. *voice quavering* What should I do?’ Mother Dearest: ‘Remember Bob, deep rivers have still waters’ Good grief, the poor child needs some guidance and instead he’s got Mother Dearest channeling Confucius at the helm… Chapter 6
Thursday 29th August 7:02am – Lying in the Castle of Penny Woke up to Mother Dearest on the phone to Grandma… Mother Dearest: ‘Oh Mum, the internet is such a dangerous place. I just don’t know how it happened! One minute I was looking for poems about jungle animals for the children and the next minute, ELEPHANT PORN! EVERYWHERE! I suspect this must be one of Grandma’s proudest parenting moments… Chapter 5
Thursday 22nd August 6:44am – Lying in the Castle of Penny I’ve just woken up to Bob playing the harmonica. Either that or there is a flock of geese mating in the next room... Full Name: Penelope Hazel Pinkerton
Birthday: 12th November 1989 Starsign: Scorpio Lives: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia Marital Status: Single and mainly failing to mingle Siblings: Flossie (20) and Bob (12) Parentals: Mother Dearest and Father Bear Occupation: Part Time Student, Part Time Mother Hen, Part Time Disaster Relief Squad, Full Time Lunatic Likes: Boys, Vodka, Superfoods, Football, Cricket, Equal Opportunity, Driving a Barina Dislikes: Lycra, Rodents, Doing the dishes, Cricket commentators Favourite Colour: Green Favourite Sayings: ‘Good Grief’, ‘Good Lord’, ‘Good God’ Favourite Movies: Mulan, Friday Night Lights, The Ugly Truth Hobbies: Netball, Pilates, Horse Riding, English History, French (language/food/men) Can be found: Rolling her eyes at Mother Dearest’s latest match making attempt, dealing with a poo-related disaster, snoozing in the lecture theatre, hiding from the world under her desk At High School was voted student most likely to: Run the World Greatest Achievement: Most days just ‘getting out of bed’ Allergies: Chlorine, Stupidity, any iProduct and the full spectrum of human emotion (according to Mother Dearest) |
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