Penny's Glowing

Chapter 19

Thursday 28th November 

7:21am – Lying in the Castle of Penny

via Text Message
Flossie: ‘Can you hear that warbling in the kitchen?’ 
Penny: ‘Yes… It woke me up’
Flossie: ‘What is IT?’ 
Penny: ‘If my hearing serves me correctly Floss, that is the sweet sound of Mother Dearest singing along to her favourite songs’ 
Flossie: ‘What?! She doesn’t sing! She only ever sings when she’s listening to…. OH GOD’ 
Penny: ‘It’s most, wonderfulllll timeeeee of the year!’ 
Flossie: ‘Christmas Carols’ 
Penny: ‘Ho ho ho!’

7:39am – Kitchen, Chez du Pinkerton Mad 

Penny: ‘Morning Mum, I see you’re embracing the Christmas spirit today’ 
Mother Dearest *clapping hands*: ‘I’m getting ready! Do you like my apron?’ 
Penny *rubbing eyes*: ‘It’s covered in reindeer… It looks like Rudolph threw up all over it…’ 
Mother Dearest *grinning*: ‘I know! It’s wonderful isn’t it! And there’s something else! Come with me…’ *grabs Penny’s hand* 

7:41am – Back Lying in the Castle of Penny 

via Text Message
Penny: ‘Perhaps don’t get out of bed today Flossie…’ 
Flossie: ‘Why… what was all that noise in the kitchen about?’ 
Penny: Christmas has arrived. With a vengeance. And jingle bells attached’ 

Flossie: ‘Oh God’ 

12:03pm – Sitting in the Office of Hell '

via Facebook Messenger 
Charlie: ‘How goes the 20 Questions Project?’ 
Penny: ‘Well it’s been less than 24 hours so far, so I’d say it’s flying along’ 
Charlie: ‘So you haven’t started?’ 
Penny: ‘Well short of sending out a printed questionnaire for these boys to fill in, I’m not quite sure exactly how “Who would you use a Green Pass for?” is going to come up in conversation…’ 
Charlie: ‘You’re a clever girl Penny, you’ll figure it out’ 
Penny: ‘Perhaps you can remind me of the list again?’ 
Charlie: ‘Birthday
- Favourite Sport 
- Who would you use your Green Pass for?
- What are your hobbies
- Dogs or Cats?
- Favourite Food
- Ideal holiday destination
- Top 5 Bucket List travel locations
- Gambling Yes or No?
- Occupation?
- What are your qualifications?
- Poison of choice
- Place most likely to find you?
- What do they drive 
- Swedish House Mafia or Jimmy Barnes
- Dream job 
- At high school they would have been voted most likely to…
- What is your personal themesong 
- Favourite book 
- Tell me a secret’ 


3:44pm – Still Sitting in the Office of Hell 

via Facebook Messenger
Penny: ‘If you had a Green Pass to sleep with anyone in the world, who would it be?’ 
Fletch: ‘Um… seeing as I am single, I’m not sure this applies to me?’ 
Penny: ‘Just pretend you’re in a relationship’ 
Fletch: ‘Is this a trick question? Am I in a relationship?’ 
Penny *raises eyebrows*: ‘Not as far as I know, but then my name is not the Oracle of Delphi so I can’t be relied upon for everything… just, answer the question?’ 
Fletch: ‘Um ok… Green Pass… gee that’s a hard one, can I get back to you?’ 
Penny: ‘Sure…’ 


3:47pm – Still Sitting in the Office of Hell and Green Passes 

via Facebook Messenger
Penny: ‘Charlie? I’m going to need longer than a week’ 


6:29pm – Hallway, Chez du Pinkerton Mad 

The doorbell rings 

Bob *running to the door*: ‘I’ll get it!’ 
Penny *muttering to self in the kitchen*: ‘Oh shit’
Father Bear *marches through the house*: ‘Bob, don’t answer the door, I’m coming’
Mother Dearest *looking frantic*: ‘Who could be visiting us? I hope they don’t dirty my new DOORMAT!’ 
Flossie *comes bounding into the hallway*: ‘Was that the doorbell? Wait… is that Kennedy!? Quick someone get my pom poms!’ 
Bob *opens the door*: ‘Hello?’ 
Kennedy *smiling in at entire Pinkerton Family Mad*: ‘Hi everyone, I’m here to pick up Penny.’ 
Mother Dearest *waving*: ‘Oh hello again! Do you like my doormat?’ 
Father Bear *charging forward*: ‘Evening mate’ *shakes hands* ‘Come in, come in, tell me, did you catch any of the cricket last week?’ 
Bob: ‘Do you want to hear the new song I’ve learned on the guitar while you wait for Penny?’ 
Penny *flying into the room*: ‘Thank you everyone, we have to be off now’ 
Kennedy *turning back*: ‘I look forward to seeing everyone again next time, oh and Flossie? Nice pom poms’ *winks* 


7:19pm – Entrée, St Katherine’s 

Penny: ‘So, I haven’t heard from you much later, have you been busy the last few weeks?’ 
Kennedy: ‘Yeh, pretty flat out with work and uni exams’ 
Penny: ‘Ah yes, work, I never did ask you exactly what you did for work… and what you’d like to do in the future, and what you’re doing at uni…’ 
Kennedy *smiling*: ‘That’s a lot of questions there… um, well I’m studying Commerce/Law and at the moment I just work for the family business’ 
Penny: ‘Which is…’ 
Kennedy: ‘A mixture of the resort, a few investment properties, a bit of fishing, you know, I like to mix it up’ 
Penny *nodding*: ‘I see… and is that what you want to do in the future?’ 
Kennedy: ‘Well Mum, I’m not quite sure at the moment… do I need to give you an answer tonight?’ 
Penny *chuckling*: ‘Hey, I was just asking, I just… don’t see you being a lawyer or an investment banker… you seem to like fishing too much for that’ 
Kennedy: ‘If I could do anything, I’d be a sportswriter or a travel writer’ 
Penny: ‘Apparently there is good salmon fishing in Yemen? You could combine both?’ 
Kennedy *chuckling*: ‘I love that movie!’ 
Penny: ‘And the book?’ 
Kennedy: ‘Haven’t read the book, haven’t read many actually, but I do like Wizard of Lies about Bernie Madoff’ 
Penny: ‘Ah deceit… comforting…’ 


8:37pm – Mains, St Katherine’s 

Penny: ‘So, if you’d like to be a travel writer… then what are the Top 5 Places on your Bucket List?’ 
Kennedy: ‘Ooo good question… Well obviously Yemen, apparently they have good salmon fishing there… did you know that?’ 
Penny *laughing*: ‘So I’ve heard’ 
Kennedy: ‘Machu Picchu, Alaska, Iceland, Florence and well, I’ve already been but I’m not sure you can never get enough of New York’ 
Penny *smiles*: ‘And why is that?’ 
Kennedy: ‘A multitude of reasons, but the main one would have to be the Pastrami on Rye from Katz’s Deli, do you know I found that mentioned on a blog the other day? I’ll have to send it to you’ 
Penny: ‘Pastrami on Rye eh? I’ve always been a sucker for a Philly Cheesesteak myself… from Jim’s’
Kennedy: ‘Jim’s on South St?’ 
Penny: ‘The one and only’ 
Kennedy: ‘I didn’t know you’d been to America Penny?’ 
Penny: ‘I lived there for six months when I was 18… I suspect there’s a lot you don’t know about me…’ 
Kennedy *grinning*: ‘Perhaps I should start asking some questions of my own!’ 


11:12pm – Doorstep, Chez du Pinkerton Mad

Kennedy: ‘Is everything alright Penny? You seem to be asking a lot of questions tonight…’ 
Penny: ‘Oh uh, you know me, I always like to ask questions, put things together in my head, get the full story you know…’ 
Kennedy: ‘Um… the Penny I know likes to drink vodka, dance on table tops, clean deep fryers and go fishing, whilst in the water…’ *chuckles* ‘oh and apparently lived in America when she was 18!’ 
Penny *smiling*: ‘Well I’m expanding my repertoire; you can add dinner time interrogation to the list’ 
Kennedy *leans in*: ‘As long as there’s a pay off at the end, I’m willing to make that addition…’ 


11:28pm – Lying in the Castle of Penny

via Facebook Messenger
Penny: ‘Well that went well…’ 
Charlie: ‘Did you gather the information required’ 
Penny: ‘Most of it, I think the highlight was when I asked who he’d use his green pass for and his mango soufflé almost came out of his nose’ 
Charlie: ‘What was his answer?’ 
Penny: ‘Emily Blunt. Well at least I think that’s what he said, it was a bit hard to concentrate with mango dripping out of his nose…’ 


Friday 29th November 


6:49am – Zipping along in the Beep Beep Barina to the land of arrivals, departures and over-priced parking 

Penny: ‘Oh shit’ 
Flossie: ‘What’s wrong? If you’ve forgotten something I’m not turning the car around’ 
Penny: ‘I’ve forgotten my bloody glasses’ 
Roxie: ‘Don’t worry Penny, you’re going to spend the weekend getting blind anyway, think of this as a head start!’ 


10:41am – Lying on Beach 86, Point Arkwright

Roxie: ‘I think we should stay here a while’ 
Penny: ‘I think that’s a good idea, I’ll just go to the car and get my bathers’ 


11:22pm – Sitting on Beach 86, Point Arkwright

Roxie: ‘Where have you been?! Did you go and sew a pair of bathers?’ 
Aubree: ‘We were about to send a search party out for you’ 
Penny: ‘I had a minor suitcase issue’ 
Snicks: ‘Define minor…’ 
Penny: ‘Well that lock that fell off my bag this morning, that I snapped back on because I thought it was mine? Turns out, it wasn’t mine. I tried every combination it could be, but no luck.’ 
Snicks: ‘So… how did you get your bathers out?’ 
Penny: ‘I drove back to those builders we passed on the way in, and explained that I couldn’t get my lock undone and asked them if they had anything onsite they could use to cut it off…’ 
Aubree: ‘You’re kidding’ 
Penny *shaking head*: ‘I wish I was kidding, but no, two hours into the holiday and I’ve already had to break into my own luggage. It can only get better from here right?’ 


1:57pm - Lounge Room, The Bachelorette Pad of Mischief, Noosa 

via Text Message
Flossie: ‘How’s the holiday, are you relaxing yet in your state of blindness?’ 
Penny: ‘Oh absolutely…’ 
Flossie: ‘Done anything exciting?’ 
Penny: ‘Well I had to break into my own luggage, then I got chased up the stairs by a goanna and then when we went for a little walk in the botanical gardens I nearly stood on a snake before running away frantically because in my state of blindness, I thought it was a stick…’ 
Flossie: ‘Right, so just your regulation Penny holiday then’ 
Penny: ‘Yep, regulation’ 
Flossie: ‘How long have you been there?’ 
Penny: ‘Oh… about five hours so far…’ 


2:33pm – The Waterhole of Glamour at the Pad of Mischief, Noosa
 
Snicks: ‘We should play Donkey!’
Penny: ‘Donkey?’ 
Snicks: ‘You know the catching game where you throw the ball around and if you drop it you add a letter until you spell Donkey’ 
Aubree: ‘I’ll grab the tennis ball!’ 


2:43pm – Still in the Waterhole of Glamour at the Pad of Mischief, Noosa

Penny *laughing*: ‘Any chance you might actually catch the ball Rox?’ 
Roxie *waving arms around*: ‘I like big balls that you can grab on to!’ 
Aubree *drowning with laughter*
Roxie: ‘What? I just don’t have the hand eye co-ordination for small balls!’ 
Penny: ‘I suddenly know more about Beardy than I ever needed to…’ 


4:14pm – Lounge Room, The Bachelorette Pad of Mischief, Noosa 

via Text Message 
Charlie: ‘How’s Noosa? Met any good looking fellas yet?’ 
Penny: ‘I met one, and he was really good with his hands’ 
Charlie: ‘Ooo tell me more!’ 
Penny: ‘So charming, he broke the lock to my heart in three minutes flat’ 
Charlie: ‘OMG! He sounds amazing! Do you have a picture?’ 
Penny: ‘Sure do… 

Charlie: ‘Uh Penny… that is an old dude…’ 
Penny: ‘Correct. That is the old dude who I had to get to snap the lock off my suitcase with a pair of bolt cutters this morning’ 
Charlie: ‘The old damsel in distress routine, gets them every time’ 
Penny: ‘Oh it does, but I’m willing to bet it was actually the short shorts in this case *winks*’ 


9:47pm – Making Vodka Fashionable at Le Surf Club de Noosa

Aubree *chuckling*: ‘Check out those boys in the corner singing karaoke’ 
Roxie *smiles*: ‘Ah Horses, it will bring the best out in anyone really’ 
Penny *turning around*: ‘Uh… is that Myles?!’ 
Snicks *squinting*: ‘Hey it is! I was wondering if we’d see him while we were here’ 
Penny *raises eyebrows*: ‘And why would you wonder that?’ 
Snicks: ‘Well, we knew he would be up here, but I wasn’t sure if we’d run into him or not’ 
Penny *pauses*: ‘Wait, you knew he would be up here?’ 
Roxie: ‘How do you think we talked you back from Siberia to Noosa Penny?’ 
Penny *eyes widening*
Aubree *raises eyebrows*: ‘We told you Myles was going to Noosa and you changed your mind in a heartbeat’ 
Penny: ‘Oh God, I think I need another vodka’ 


Saturday 30th November 


7:17am – Lying in the Castle of Penny, The Bachelorette Pad of Mischief, Noosa

via Text Message
Mother Dearest: ‘Because it’s Christmas, and because I can, I bought a Jeep’ 
Father Bear: ‘She bought a Jeep’ 
Flossie: ‘She did, she bought a Jeep’ 
Penny *half asleep*: ‘You bought a JEEP?!’ 
Mother Dearest: ‘Yes Penny, I bought a Jeep’ 

Penny *muttering to self*: ‘I’m too hungover for this shit’  


3:14pm – Lying on the Beach, Noosa 

Roxie: ‘You’re looking a bit pink there Penny, did you put on some sunscreen?’ 
Penny: ‘Oh I always go a bit pink, that sun is bloody hot! I did put some on before I went in the water’ 
Snicks: ‘That was four hours ago…’ 
Penny: ‘Four hours?!’ 
Aubree: ‘You fell asleep for two of them before, but we just covered you with a towel and left you while we went swimming’ 
Penny: ‘I’ll go and take a quick dip, that is sure to cool me down’ 


5:22pm – Lounge Room, The Bachelorette Pad of Mischief, Noosa 

via Text Message
Penny: ‘I have some devastating news for you…’ 
Chloe-lee: ‘Oh no, what has happened?!’ 
Penny: ‘Well, today I was stung by a jellyfish’ 
Chloe-lee: ‘OMG Are you ok?! Does it sting?’  
Penny: ‘Oh I’m alright physically, and compared to the rest of the back half of my body which was accidentally burnt to a crisp, the stinging isn’t actually all that bad, but I’m not sure I will ever get over the disappointment of realizing that I am not actually Nemo. Discovering you are not a Disney Pixar Clownfish who can take on the jellies is heartbreaking. I don’t know that I will ever recover from this’ 
Chloe-lee: ‘Don’t worry, Dory knows how you feel’

7:38pm - The Bachelorette Pad of Mischief, Noosa

Roxie: ‘I’ve just figured out a solution to my no bra headlights issue!’ 
Penny: ‘Does it involve wearing a bra?’ 
Roxie: ‘God no, you know I can’t stand wearing clothes! It is much better than that!’ 
Penny *raises eyebrows*
Roxie *grinning*: ‘Rigid strapping tape! I knew it would come in handy!’ 


10:01pm – Standing at the Bar, Le Surf Club de Noosa

Myles: ‘So, do you come here often?’ 
Penny: ‘Only at the request of nice young men from home’ 
Myles *chuckling*: ‘Ah so the girls finally told you that it was me that suggested Noosa’ 
Penny: ‘Yes, apparently you saved me from a very cold weekend in Siberia…’ 
Myles: ‘Which is a shame really considering you are quite the Cossack dancer extraordinaire’ 
Penny: ‘Too true, what’s your poison? Let me buy you a drink to say thank you’ 
Myles *grinning*: ‘Vodka… enough to make you weak at the knees’ 


11:29pm – Dancefloor, Le Surf Club de Noosa

Roxie *arms in the air*: ‘Footloooooossseee, Footloose, everybody get Foooootlooooooose!’
Aubree *swings Snicks around*
Penny: ‘Woooohoooooarrrrrrggggggggggggh’


11:30pm – Dancefloor, Le Surf Club de Noosa

Aubree *yelling*: ‘Penny?! Penny! Why are you on the floor!?’ 
Roxie: ‘Oh god, she’s having a heart attack!’ 
Snicks: ‘I think she’s a bit young for a heart attack… and I don’t think it involves as much rocking backwards and forwards and crying as she’s doing…’ 
Aubree: ‘We need someone who can lift her up, she can’t stand’ 
Myles: ‘Evening ladies, did somebody call for a hero?’ 


11:37pm – Sitting at the bar, Le Surf Club de Noosa

Aubree: ‘Why do her eyes keep rolling back in her head’ 
Roxie: ‘Quite possibly, she has been possessed by the devil. I saw this once in a movie, I think it was called “The Exercise”’ 
Snicks: ‘I think you might mean “The Exorcist”’ 
Penny *groaning*: ‘I think I need a vodka’ 
Myles *wandering over*: ‘Double vodka, coming right up!’ 
Snicks: ‘I think she needs to go home, I’m not sure a double vodka is going to fix much’ 
Myles: ‘It will numb the pain, he stomped on her foot pretty hard, I wouldn’t be surprised if something is broken in there…’ 
Roxie: ‘Right, well, we’ll just have to take her home, we can carry her up the stairs!’ 
Myles *smiling*: ‘I think perhaps you ladies should go back to the dancefloor, I’ll take care of Penny from here. After all, I did promise to be a hero, didn’t I?’ 


12:03am – Sitting and Puffing on the Castle of Penny, The Bachelorette Pad of Mischief, Noosa

Penny *head in hands*: ‘I’m a disaster Myles. Most days I look like I’m holding it together but then a few minor hiccups – locked bags, sunburn, jellyfish stings, several encounters with nature and a suspected broken toe on the dancefloor and I crumble to my knees.’
Myles *rubs Penny’s back*: ‘To be fair to you Penny, he was in the middle of Footloose when he stood on your foot, so I think we can safely assume that it is broken’ 
Penny *sniffling*: ‘You didn’t have to bring me back here tonight Myles, or drag me up those stairs by yourself or be this nice to me. I’ve hijacked your boys weekend away and now instead of picking up some gorgeous British tourist and getting pissed with your mates, you’ve carried broken little me back to my apartment.’ 
Myles: ‘Penny Pinkerton. I may be many things, and I might do many things, and I certainly say certain things, but the truth is, I can’t stand to see the world or anyone else bring you to your knees.’ 
Penny *smiling*: ‘Oh, Myles…’ 
Myles *grinning*: ‘Because that’s my job’ 
Penny *rolls eyes*  
Myles: ‘Come on Penny, let’s get you cleaned up hey?’ 


Sunday 1st December 


1:14am – Lying in the Castle of Penny, The Bachelorette Pad of Mischief, Noosa

Penny *smiling sheepishly*: ‘Thanks for helping me Myles, I imagine you envisaged your Saturday night turning out slightly differently’ 
Myles *sitting down on the bed*: ‘When we made plans for this boys weekend away, my only thought was that it needed to include taking a girls clothes off, getting hot and sweaty, getting puffed getting some exercise and getting wet. In the last hour I’ve taken your clothes off to get you in the shower, I’ve gotten wet getting you in and out of the shower, I’ve gotten hot and sweaty dragging you up those 200 stairs and lifting you up off the bathroom floor when you misjudged the where the floor was and fell on it, and I was puffed by the end of it. So I’d say my life is pretty complete right now’ 
Penny *chuckling*: ‘And I even got on my knees for you’ 
Myles *smiling*: ‘As usual without much invitation’ 
Penny *raises eyebrows*: ‘A broken toe, too much vodka and a burning torso will do that to a girl! It sounds like your night is complete’ 
Myles: ‘Almost…’ *jumps into bed and wraps arms around Penny* ‘Now, my night is complete’ 
Penny *smiling*: ‘Good night Myles’ 
Myles: ‘Good night Penny’ 


1:23am - Lying in the Castle of Penny, The Bachelorette Pad of Mischief, Noosa

Myles: ‘Holy Shit that sunburn is hot! It’s like a sauna in here!’ 
Penny *grinning*: ‘Well, you did say you wanted to work up a sweat this weekend Myles…’



5:43am – Lying in the Castle of Penny, The Bachelorette Pad of Mischief, Noosa

via Text Message
Roxie: ‘Penny? Where are you?’ 
Penny: ‘Roxie? I’m in the front room with Myles’ 
Roxie: ‘Oh thank god. I got up and I couldn’t find you, I thought I’d lost you on the stairs somewhere between the surf club and the apartment’ 
Penny: ‘Roxie, I’m fairly hard to lose… I’m walking with a limp and radiating so much heat from the sunburn I’m like a torch. I’m also in the front room of the same apartment as you… Why are you up so early?’ 
Roxie: ‘It’s the freaking sun, I can’t sleep when it’s so light. I think I’m allergic to Queensland’ 
Penny: ‘Why didn’t you just pull the blinds down?’ 
Roxie: ‘What blinds?’ 
Penny: ‘The blinds in your bedroom?’ 
Roxie: ‘You took the key to the apartment with you, and we couldn’t get in, so we slept on the banana lounges down at the pool, incidentally they don’t have blinds…’  
Penny: ‘HOLY SHIT. I’m coming now!’ 


7:56am – Back Lying in the Castle of Penny, The Bachelorette Pad of Mischief, Noosa
Myles: ‘How’s the patient feeling this morning?’ 
Penny: ‘A little worse for wear, but how could I be sad waking up next to you?’ 
Myles: ‘Never a truer word was spoken. Did I hear you get up before?’ 
Penny: ‘Uh yes, I had to go and let the girls in’ 
Myles *crinkles forehead*: ‘Where were they?’ 
Penny: ‘Asleep on the banana lounges by the pool…’
Myles *chuckling*: ‘Friend of the year you are!’ 
Penny: ‘That’s what they voted I would be most likely to become at high school… what did they vote you?’ 
Myles: ‘Most likely to play AFL, or become a clown…’ 
Penny *giggling*: ‘And are either of those things your long term ambitions?’ 
Myles: ‘Well, I’ve already got red hair, so I feel like my future really does lie in the clown industry you know’ 


9:04am – The Bachelorette Pad of Mischief, Noosa 
Roxie: ‘The rigid tape worked a treat last night!’ 
Penny: ‘It did, but how did you get it off?’ 
Aubree: ‘You just have to rub it between your fingers for a bit’ 
Penny *raises eyebrows*: ‘Well that’s one way to get something off…’ 


10:22am – Lying on the Beach, Noosa 

via Text Message
Penny: ‘Hey Floss, are you still okay to pick me up from the airport tonight?’ 
Flossie: ‘No problemos’ 
Penny: ‘So how’s everything at home?’ 
Floss: ‘Oh the usual state of insanity and shenanigans’ 
Penny: ‘Mum made anymore Christmas inspired purchases?’ 
Flossie: ‘Not that I can recall, at the moment it’s just the doormat, mugs and plates, salt and pepper shakers, toilet paper and tea towels that have been Christmasified. Oh and the new Jeep she bought.’
Penny: 'She bought a Jeep?'
Flossie: 'Yeh, a Christmas patterned shopping Jeep...' 
Penny: ‘Oh Thank God. I had visions of arriving back home to find a bright red Jeep in the driveway and a fluorescent sign on the roof saying “JESUS IS COMING”’ 
Flossie: ‘Don’t hold your breath… it’s only early days yet’ 


Monday 2nd December


11:54am – Sitting in the Office of Hell 

via Email 
Kennedy: ‘Morning Miss Penny, 
Finally found that article I was telling you about Katz’s Deli the other night! The Pastrami on Rye is famous!’ 
'Student's Guide to New York'
Penny: ‘Well the next time I go back, I’ll just have to have one, won’t I’ 
Kennedy: ‘My shout’ 


6:17pm – Preseason Training 

Myles: ‘Evening Penny, moving well there’ 
Penny *raises eyebrows*: ‘For a hermit crab? Yes, I am moving incredibly well’ 
Myles: ‘How’s the toe?’ 
Penny: ‘Broken’ 
Myles: ‘How’s the sunburn’ 
Penny: ‘Hot like a sunrise’ 
Myles *smiles*: ‘Sounds a bit like that shower we had on the weekend hey?’ 
Penny *jaw drops*


6:28pm – Still at Preseason Training 

Mr Vanilla: ‘Hey Penny, are you ok? You’re moving like…’ 
Penny: ‘I’ve wet my pants?’ 
Mr Vanilla: ‘Um yeh, well I didn’t want to say that, but you don’t look too good’ 
Penny: ‘I broke my toe while I was away, and I got sunburnt and I got stung by a jellyfish, so unless I’m fully immersed in water, I’m not really all that comfortable at the moment’ 
Mr Vanilla: ‘Oh that’s terrible! Well, you should come up to the pool later this week, I was going to ask if you could show me how to do that Deep Water Running stuff… and you would also be immersed in water so it would be win/win?’ 
Penny *raising eyebrows*: ‘Sure… I mean we’ve rolled around in the hay together, floating around in lycra together just seems the next logical step really…’ 
Mr Vanilla *smiling*: ‘Great!’ 


10:03pm – Lying in the Castle of Penny on an Icepack

via Facebook Messenger
Charlie: ‘How goes the information collation’ 
Penny: ‘Exceptionally well. All of the men in my life now think I am a lunatic with a hankering to be an FBI Agent. And in order to trap Mr Vanilla down I’ve had to promise to teach him how to go Deep Water Running’ 
Charlie: ‘I can feel the love already’ 
Penny: ‘Oh yes, many a passionate love affair was started wearing a floatation device…’ 


Tuesday 3rd December

10:08am – Sitting in the Office of Hell 

via Facebook Messenger
Fletch: ‘Megan Gale’ 
Penny: ‘Is a very attractive model….?’ 
Fletch: ‘Is who I would use my Green Pass for’ 
Penny: ‘It took you five days to figure that out?’ 
Fletch: ‘These kinds of things require thought! You only get one Green Pass, you want to make sure it’s worth it!’ 


Wednesday 4th December 


7:18am – Lying in the Castle of Penny 

Penny: ‘Munfsaedkdath’ 
Flossie: ‘What?’ 
Penny *gasping*: ‘Why are you lying on me?’ 
Flossie: ‘I’m hiding in here’ 
Penny: ‘Do you have to hide IN my bed? Is there something wrong with hiding in the wardrobe?’ 
Flossie: ‘I like it in here, you’re nice and squishy. And you’re really warm’ 
Penny *raises eyebrows*: ‘It’s the sunburn, I’m still radiating heat like a glowworm’ 
Flossie: ‘That gives a new definition to hot stuff baby this evening’ 
Penny: ‘You’re not wrong. Now why are you lying on me?’ 
Flossie: ‘It’s Bob. He’s caught Mum’s disease’ 
Penny: ‘Huh?’ 
Flossie *deadpan*: ‘He’s learnt to play Jingle Bells on his guitar. And he’s been practicing, ALL morning’ 
Penny: ‘Oh joy’ 


3:42pm – Sitting in the Office of Hell
 
via Facebook Messenger
Charlie: ‘So Penny, what have you learned about the men in your life this week?’ 
Penny: ‘Well I’ve learned a lot of rather interesting but by and large useless information about their hobbies and drinking preferences. I’ve learned who they’d rather be sleeping with than me. Footnote to that: I look nothing like ANY of the celebrities that have been mentioned so that’s a real plus. And I’ve learned that they all have at least one thing in common’ 
Charlie: ‘Oh yes, and what is that?’ 
Penny: ‘They’re all terribly good blokes in their own ways, not always perfect, and not always timely, and not always replying on time, but when it comes to me, remarkably generous and I dare say, just a little bit fond of me’ 
Charlie: ‘Good God. We’re never going to get anywhere if that is the case!’ 
Penny: ‘What can I say? Apparently, I’m hot stuff baby this evening!’